Replay

Summer after high school when we first met

We make out in you mustang to radio head 

And on my 18th birthday we bought matching tattoos

Used to steal your parent's liquor, and climb to the roof

Talked about our future, like we had a clue

Never planned that one day I'd be losing you

In another life

I would be your girl 

We keep all our promises be us against the world

In another life

I would make you stay 

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away

Fate & Destiny

Assalamualaikum.

Life has taught her so many things that no one could show her, no books could teach her. She's been living in this earth for 19 years, but the only year she had her true learning and meaning of life, is when she has turned herself to 19 this year. She's a girl who don't stay still to her stand, who has the lowest self esteem, who believes life is never on her side, who betrays her friend for someone she loves, who has nothing in life that she could be proud of, who tries so hard, but don't succeed, and believes her golden years are disappearing from time to time.

She used to be the happiest girl in this world, stayed with her girls everywhere for 24/7, never believed in boys and love, never had a special boy, and put her studies matter top in her priority. No, she don't say that she don't put her studies matter top in her priority anymore, she still put it there. Tho she never had any special boys in her life, she still had her best-est times in her life with ze girls she loved.

As times passed, she learnt the true meaning of life. She knows that no one can stand by her side forever, everybody she knows will leave her one by one. She also learnt that no body can stay to their promises. At least, one promise will be broken. To her, life is not that easy. If life is as easy as ABC, no one in this world will ever get hurt, everyone would be so happy with their lives.

Despite of having all those feelings and believings, she still has very strong faith in Allah. She knows that Allah has set the best-est things for her and never failed in His planning. She knows it, she knows. But somehow, she's just failed. She fall, she cries, she blames her life, she realizes, she prays, and she gets up from her falling, alone.

This is a story of her. If we find ourselves hard, there are more people who have their hard lives too. So, we should be grateful of what we're having now. But, her story might not be as hard as other people who suffer to live. This is just apart of her life that I wanted to share.

Although she was so happy with her girls, she got so much more happy when she declared herself as someone's. She never thought that she would be in love with him, and never crossed her mind to have her first love when she knows nothing 'bout love and boys. She just followed the flow, and however managed to have her beautiful days and nights with the boy. They studied together, gave inspiration to each other, texted/called 24/7, shared their happiness and problems, never missed to say "I love you" to each other everyday, and they did so much more things like what other couples used to do. She swear to God that she never had her beautiful life like she had when she was with him, as that was her first love. Mark that, her first love.

Like others relationship, they also had some problems. However, they managed to get thru them and lived their lives back to normal. But as time goes by, they started to feel that they no longer have the chemistry to stay together. But however, they still waited for each other to go online, chatted as usual, asked whether she/he okay or not, and their lives go on as usual. But one thing the girl realized was that, they no longer say the magic words. No more "I love you" (or atleast I miss you) whenever they ended their chat. To be true, the girl is actually waited for the boy to say it, but she didn't receive it, even after they have ended their relationship. If the boy says she still love her, the girl would definitely reply the same thing to him.

Whenever they're having their bad times, the girl always calmed herself and said that, "If we can managed having three years together, in bad or in good, in sick or in health, why can't we stay for many years ahead together?", that's what she's been asking to herself.

Thing is, they tried, but they failed. That's all. The girl knows that their love is never can be compared to other's love story which is much more complicated and sad, but the girl feel so down to have her love to end up, when she finally gave all her heart to the boy.

Guys, isn't it sad? =/ Okay, that's all about the girl. To the girl who has their broken heart, please be strong and look at the bright side of it. May you have a good life. Aaamiinnnn.

p/s: The girl in the story I wrote about isn't me. I'm still with Adli okay. I love you Adli. Thanks for being there for me, even tho we are very far apart. Hugs and kisses :*

With Love, 

Nina

Times

Assalamualaikum.

So here in Twitter, they got this #ToBeHonest trend: 

And I tweeted this:

I'm not saying that I'm not happy with the life I'm having now, no, not. I am perfectly happy in this relationship status with him, but I just missed how I felt in 4-6 years back then. I used to be in group when I was in secondary school, and the group is known as 'group anti lelaki'. The title wasn't being created by us, but we were being labelled as it, huhu. If it's only the title we were being labelled and we didn't really show it, then it's okay, but the time we knew 'bout it, we kinda act it and show it even often. Haha, old times with that kind of minded =P

As a group of not really into boys and couple, none of us at that time were in a relationship status. What we did in school was just mind our own business, laugh as loud as we can and lived lives to the fullest. Tho we were being hated by our attitude, but we were all happy with ourselves. I remember, many bad things had happened to us along those years. There was time, when Syaz was almost being spitted by a boy. She was standing only 0.000001 mm closed to the boy's spitting spot! He knew Syaz was standing there, but he purposely did it. Life old days, -.- I also remember, time when Dery was walking to the class, then this boy from upstairs, purposely threw an ice towards her, thus hit her private area. Nice aim, huh? -.- And there was also time, when Kakty lost her diary and somehow we knew that the diary was taken by a boy, named Ashraf Sinclair (not a real name, for sure). We settled the matter inside our class. The climax was when we stepped out of the class, the whole batch of boys stood a crowd near the stairs, waited for things to settle, and we ain't had no choice, but to pass thru them. And at the time we were passing thru them, they made this kind of noise 'Ewwhhh pewwmmpuan ni akuww cepuwwkk kaangggg', and some threw a disgust look to us. See, how strong the bonds they had? To be honest, I was a bit scared, but I acted like I'm not. Haha, am cool, no? =P

As time passed, we were no longer feel fear towards the boys. We stand as a strong group of girl, and were brave enough to go against 'em. There was this time when we had a mouth fight with 'em. It was when we were in Form 3. We lost a photo of us, and somehow we found out that the photo was being taken by this boy, named Farid Kamil (not a real name). At first the conversation went smooth, but when the story got complicated, we got irritated and now, the war began, haha. There was also this time, when we were brave enough to fight back when they shouted and insulted us of being too noisy. 

These are exactly how I lived when I was single. I didn't have any special boy friends, I seldom talked with boys, I had bad relationship with 'em, and I didn't know how to mix with 'em. All I know was busy having sisters' bond with my girls and I'm totally happy with them. I just missed the old times I had with my friends and the feeling I got when I was single. See, Kakty also missed it =O

Somehow it's true =/ 

Adli, if you read this, please don't get offended. I'm just kind of missing it, not regretting it. I love yo-yo-yo-youuuuu! ♥ ♥ ♥

With love, 

Nina

My Wishes

Assalamualaikum.

Friday is 11.11.11, and I usually don't believe in making wishes. However, tomorrow's date only happens once every one hundred years, so I wouldn't want it to be wasted. That day I'm going to be with someone who came into my life as a friend and now my very special man. I'm going to wait for him and laugh at our silly jokes together. I'm going to have the feelings I have when we are both happy with each other. I'm going to have a long talk with him and share with him whatever things I have. I'm going to tease him like I used to do when he's here with me, in Malaysia. And lastly, I'm going to convince him that this relationship is worth it. I pray that everything will be back to normal, please =(

He, who is there for me when I was at my worst, and who always knew how to make me smile, and never failed doing it. I've never been luckier than I am now, and it's all thanks to him. 

I hope my wishes wouldn't just remain wishes. Like I said, I don't really believe in making wishes cuz wishes require a lot of luck and unfortunately, I seldom have that. I know, my life is so sad =( 

With Love, 

Nina

Life

I tried, but I don't succeed. 

I studied, but I don't get good marks.

I planned, but it don't turn out to be the same as what I hoped it would.

I hoped too much, and I disappoint at the end. 

I gave promises, but I break them.

And I gave so many trouble to people around me. 

Can't my life get any worse?  

Ya Allah, may you always ease my way and give guidance to me. I'm sorry Umi =(  

Future Planning

Assalamualaikum. 

I've been in Uni for nearly two months and I can see many changes in myself. I mean it's not the bad ones, but it's a good change that makes me feel wow! *clap clap*

Well, I'm not a student who's being sponsored by any scholarships or foundations. And I didn't apply for PTPTN. Wait, I applied, and I got it, but the forms are not being sent yet, and I think I'll cancel it cuz Imma waiting for YBR huhu. Plus, PTPTN imposes high interest which will take me forever to pay them back! Therefore, I've to struggle hard to use money wisely. No more shopping, no more buying clothes/bags/accesories thru online. Save, nina save.

So instead of cutting the shopping budget that makes me feel so much stress about it, I'm planning on saving a quarter of money I get from Abi for many good reasons. Plus, i'll get many benefits from it in the long run.

#1 Save, so that I can go to Egypt and attend Adli's convocation day. *rising eyebrows* 

#2 Save, and put the money aside with my daily-used-money. This is for back up to be used after Degree. I'll try not to use it unless if I'm desperate, huhu.  

#3 Save, and start planning the budget for wedding day, woohoo.
Everybody wants to get married, and wants it to be something memorable. Memorable to me is a simple one, but it's unique, style, nice, and the guests can remember. Even a small wedding has already taken RM10k+, what if a wedding to have these four criteria, aite? =/ So, start planning it from now Nina, if you want to make it come true. This is not a plan of menggatal-nak-kahwin-awal, but it's a long run planning. We should start saving our wedding budget from now, so that we can cut on making private loan with the banks in the future. *Ehem ehem, macam mak-mak* 

To study in Batu Pahat is a God's blessing to me. No Forever 21, Cotton On, Padini Store,  where I can shop like there's no other day fiiiuuhh. Imagine what if I were to study in KL that has these stores? In your dream lah, if you wanna save -.- Okay, that's all about my plans on saving money and the purpose of saving it. The main purpose is just to attend Adli's convocation day, hiewhiewhiew ♥ As conclusion, the purpose is decreasing as it goes down =P 

Till here, with love, 

Nina 

Harsh.

Assalamualaikum.

Life treats me harshly these days. I got so many things running in mind, and they are about the choices I need to choose in my life, eg. #1 To study or to be in standby mode just in case if he goes online. And I chose to go online so that I can keep in touch with him. But it turned out to be the opposite of what I thought it was. Sigh. #2 To hardly choose not to play softball. Well, I'm a University student now, and I should actively involve in Koku so that it would ease me to find a job in the future. There was a softball selection recently to represent the U in MASUM. I missed the chance I had without giving it a try. Double sigh. #3 To keep those feelings I have in mind alone, or to find someone whom I can trust to lend me their ears. This is the hardest part after all. Triple sigh.

Is it me the only one who feels this way? Hey you, are you doing good if you're in the same shoes? And if you're not, why is it me the only one who feels this way? How can you not feel the same thing like I have now? Sigh. Is it me the only one to be blamed or is it me the only one who should carry all the burdens and to put as much efforts as I can so that we can still keep what we have now? Can you be with me and set things right together? Can you or can you not? I'm just sick of all these things and the decisions I have to make. I'm just sick. But after all the sickness I feel, I just can't let you out of my mind or to not to think about you, not even a second. How's that? Should I ignore you and pretend that I'm okay or should I just say it to you so that you can know the very true feelings I have now? Long sigh.

Oh Allah, please lend me some strength to handle this and please be with me all the time. Even if he's not with me, I know you'd never leave Your Servant alone. I believe if you bring me to this, you will show me the way. Please show me. Amin. Till here.

With love, 

Nina  

The New Me.

Assalamualaikum.

Hye, this is my very first post in this blog. Actually I used to have one before, but I deleted it because of some relevant reasons which I need to take in consider. #1 I felt inconvenient with my followers/readers. I know it was my fault to let the link appeared publicly till they can know the existence of the blog or become my followers. Because of the inconvenient I felt, I need to think twice before I can publish a post up. #2 Some of the posts are not supposed to be written out in the first place by me, and be read by other people whom don't have any connections to do with me. In other words, they should be kept for personal view only, or for people whom I trusted or the loved ones a.k.a Adli. #3 My new friends were one of my follower. This is quite similar to the first reason above, but I deliberately choose to separate them. #4 The previous blog contained too many euw-gelifying-posts. Mark the word too many. I think I need to erase them all, but when I give a second thought about it, I found out that I'll be having no more posts in my blog! And so, instead of deleting the euw-gelifying-posts, I deleted the whole blog. Haha -.- 

My official blog: neena-a.blogspot.com

The a with the dash symbolizes Adli. I want my things/stuffs to have his name too ehem ehem. I shall be active to blogging, or else there's nothing to be remembered. Till here.

With love, 

Nina