Harsh.

Assalamualaikum.

Life treats me harshly these days. I got so many things running in mind, and they are about the choices I need to choose in my life, eg. #1 To study or to be in standby mode just in case if he goes online. And I chose to go online so that I can keep in touch with him. But it turned out to be the opposite of what I thought it was. Sigh. #2 To hardly choose not to play softball. Well, I'm a University student now, and I should actively involve in Koku so that it would ease me to find a job in the future. There was a softball selection recently to represent the U in MASUM. I missed the chance I had without giving it a try. Double sigh. #3 To keep those feelings I have in mind alone, or to find someone whom I can trust to lend me their ears. This is the hardest part after all. Triple sigh.

Is it me the only one who feels this way? Hey you, are you doing good if you're in the same shoes? And if you're not, why is it me the only one who feels this way? How can you not feel the same thing like I have now? Sigh. Is it me the only one to be blamed or is it me the only one who should carry all the burdens and to put as much efforts as I can so that we can still keep what we have now? Can you be with me and set things right together? Can you or can you not? I'm just sick of all these things and the decisions I have to make. I'm just sick. But after all the sickness I feel, I just can't let you out of my mind or to not to think about you, not even a second. How's that? Should I ignore you and pretend that I'm okay or should I just say it to you so that you can know the very true feelings I have now? Long sigh.

Oh Allah, please lend me some strength to handle this and please be with me all the time. Even if he's not with me, I know you'd never leave Your Servant alone. I believe if you bring me to this, you will show me the way. Please show me. Amin. Till here.

With love, 

Nina